BiCoastalFam

So yesterday was an unusually gorgeous day in Colorado for this time of year.  It was amazing.  The sun was shining, there was a gentle breeze, and welcome lack of livestock aroma in the air.  Instead, the air tasted fresh, and sweet and like impending summer.  

So we went to showcase, where for the first time, we put the opening number on its feet. The windows were open, and the light was carried in on that same gentle breeze; and I had to smile at the thought that those open windows would likewise share our song with any one walking outside.  I wondered who would hear it, and who would pause to hear the triumphant chords of Freedom being belted by our talented class.  

Then suddenly, I wasn’t standing in 205 anymore.  I was standing in the Jerry Orbach, in the midst of showcase.  The event that had been an ethereal happening that I have been anticipating for four years, and for the first time it I knew it was happening.  I felt my heart stop beating.  A mix of nostalgia, terror, and excitement turned my breathing into shallow scrapes, and it literally felt like a physical challenge to get through the next few moments.  Joey must’ve seen my unrest, because he swept in with a swift and welcome shoulder massage.  

It was all I could do to stay in 205 in that moment.  To look at the faces of my friends, and feel the light and the music.  And then the terror was gone, and left only joy.  It was one of those rarities in life.  Where I felt completely present, and at home; in celebration of that single moment, not wishing for one that had past, nor living in fear of one to come later.  Where my heart was so filled with pride that I felt physically buoyant, like I would lift off the ground at any second.  

Of course such joy cannot last for long.  Maybe it can for some, but I rarely come upon it.  But it was a step toward my future.  Not that I’m any less scared, but I’m a little more hopeful that I won’t always be.    

L

I am shocked/amazed/dumbfounded by what fate plopped into my lap tonight. The fact that he never learned a thing, never made things right and truly apologized and made my very worst fear from our relationship come true again is just astounding. I have never been so completely unimpressed by an individual….one that truly believes that he is good and right and noble. the most selfish person i know just can’t stop digging graves. he has to go forward. he digs one too deep and climbs back into an old one to keep on digging. maybe he’ll get to china but i believe he’ll just find himself in a miserable marriage in a po-dunk town. never see the world, pursue a dream, venture out. stay where its safe and you can be a “man.” ….looks more like a pussy to me. can’t put your own damn pride aside for a second to see how your adolescent behavior affects other people. you. are. an. ass. everybody sees it. the polite people ignore it. i can’t believe i ever thought you were as great as you say you are. i fell for your tricks WAY too many times and enough is ENOUGH. you couldn’t pay me to try to have an intellectual conversation with you, its too damn exhausting to get past your ego. all i want to do right now is bitch slap the hell out of you so i hope, for your sake, that i dont run into you any time soon you bastard. I was working so HARD to FORGIVE you and you haven’t stopped once to even recognize what you did to me. its too hard because you KNOW it was downright awful… you knew it then, which is why you gave up. I’m just pissed at how deeply you injured me, but this WILL only make me STRONGER. I am SO MUCH BETTER OFF without you, and since you’ve become purged baggage, my life has been rich and sweet again, and so full of new, wonderful, exciting, real blessings, experiences and people! and no more BRICK WALLS. Truth is, I’ve outgrown you. You’re too simple, and I need something exciting that can keep up with my pace and run, play, and fly with me! Too bad I’ve found just that someplace new. and I could because I FACED what happened and DEALT with it. but then again what’s this right now… yes it’s emo but i already feel tons better because I know how to deal and face my feelings. *snaps* sorry i still win. woops!

Though there’s pain in my chest, I still wish you the best with a **** YOU! :)

whoa. we have all been so busy. Like, incredibly busy. I’m taking a break from papers to write this. Finals are coming, everybody is stressed, in a good and bad way, but break will be so good. What’s even better is that some people will be back here, and practically everyone in new york gets to go home for at least a little bit over the break. How great is that? Also, I felt the need to unwind, so I made myself a rum and coke and now I’m writing this :/. So much is happening I can’t even put crap into words right now. BREATHE EVERYONE BREATHE. also, I used the european spelling of that. so. awesome. anyways, love you, miss you, see you all soon. 

Aaron

I need to unwind. thus, the starbucks part. thankfully jazz music, a gingerbread latte and a little aaron landgraf company help me in that. aaaaaaaaand the weather :) im so proud of you people in New York. Every time I brave it and read your blogs, my heart cracks. I never knew I could miss a human so much. This year is really waring on me. I just feel like showcase is all about preparation for the real world so it makes it hard to soak in the present. I know I will look back and probably say “wow I miss college….” but with part of my family missing, it isn’t the college that I loved and cherished so much. We’re so busy. I see Leslie every day cause we live together, but Im missing Jamie and Tyler a lot lately as we are all on different agendas and priorities. Which comes with school, I know :) How the hell am I suppose to think about what I’m going to do after college with two showcases still in my calendar? It’s stressful. trust trust TRUST. If you think of it as you’re reading this, pray for me? Scott and I are talking about the “M” word….and soonish. Possibly. Maybe? Another stress. But also excitement of course. On top of all that Spring auditions are next week. Better figure that out. Do I opt out? I need to work and save money. To move to a new city with. For a wedding? hmmm. Lots of question marks here. In other news, my brother and his wife begin the in vitro process next week. Really exciting. And a selling factor for New York if they get pregnant. Im trying really hard to not get excited or get my hopes up, which is making me nervous cause it most likely will take a few tries for it to work. ANYWAY. I just ramble on this thing….Im terribly sorry. I wish we could all ramble together in 717’s kitchen. Or a bar. Or Roma. Yeah, Roma.

I miss you all so much. Remember how important it is to be patient and LOVE each other. Your words carry weight. Be gentle and support one another. LOVE each other. You can never have enough love. Refuse bitterness. Something I’ve been thinking about in my own life…..

I love you all so dearly it’s stupid.

Erin xo

Hi guys-

I’m so excited and feeling so blessed at how this whole moving to NY thing is just coming together. Tonight I am feeling the nerves for the first time. I know its my time to fly, and I don’t need a parachute, baby, cause I got y’all. :) Still, home is a comfort when you really need it to be. And it doesn’t help that Xander is acting out/weird and being sad. Dog’s always know, and damn I’m really gonna miss him.. :(

Maybe I’m just nostalgic… Every section/piece of my life has been so awesome. But I know if I tried to go back to high school or college life, I’d be miserable and it wouldn’t be the same. It was great for that time and that’s all it can be: that time of my life. Its time to move forward and enjoy a new time, and be okay to just follow God’s plan and TRUST Him that new and change is good, healthy, and all a part of His plan. My life is a package tour; I am simply the passenger. I’m going to try to REALLY let God take the wheel for a change.

Where you lead, I will follow anywhere that you tell me to…

Love-Piece

P.s. bonus points if you can find and identify the 3 direct quotes from songs and/or movies within this post.

now i can have a girly girl to do girly things and watch girly movies that nana wont do with me… yes! also ashley i really enjoyed the budlight pic… ill have some waiting for us when you get here… along with a set of keys… the end.

Heather

It is now 3:30 am here and I got home 15 minutes ago. I finally got to experience the city that never sleeps and it was lovely :)

Nana

So I just found out that Matty made Varsity Lacrosse as a freshman!!!!! The kid is unreal! Those of you who have ways of contacting him via fb or whatever, don’t say anything cuz he doesn’t know yet and probably won’t for a while…but I just wanted to brag about how great my little brother is! Ash, you will have to come see him play while I’m home!

Love you all!

-T

So, Ashley brought it to my attention that we have been neglecting our little blog lately. I thought it couldn’t hurt to give a small update on what’s been going on. So here goes :). Last week I ditched two whole days of school to go on a four day tour with the band to Idaho and Utah. We went with this other band, Hosannas from portland, who we’ve known for a long time now. I forgot how much I love touring. It’s so amazing to get to see a different place everyday. Boise is the cleanest place i’ve ever been in my entire life. In Utah, we went to the mormon capital temple type place. It was stupidly beautiful, and no one even tried to convert us! We met some really really amazing people there who fed us awesome food. I encourage all of you at some point to just get in a car and go somewhere and not know where you’ll be sleeping that night. You’ll meet the best people that way because they are seriously just reaching out to you from the goodness of their hearts. We got back and things were great, but now I’m just a little confused as to what I’ll be doing this time next year, but I’ll worry about that later :). Anywho, I feel revitalized and I have realized that I really do love music and everything about it again. I lost it for a second there this year, but it’s back in full force now. Feeling really good about life right now in general. I hope everybody is doing well, adjusting to things as they come, and let’s all remember to be thankful for the awesome opportunities that we’re presented with everyday. Love you all. 

Aaron

Hey y’all. People seem to be forgetting our cute little blog! I haven’t!

So I’m writing here tonight fast, because I have to get up early tomorrow for my first day at my JOB (you heard right folks…at American Eagle!). Anyway, I’ve had a lot of character building type talks/experiences/feelings/growth in my past 2 months here… and I have come to an incredible realization: you all are my PEOPLE. Now I know we’ve all said this before, but in my head I was always clinging a bit to my high school friends (many of you knew this) for a long while. And even once this new friend circle developed and was GREAT, parts of me still yearned to spend my days with those friends as well. I have had a distinct realization that the people I clung to and called my true people for a long time (high school friends), I have really outgrown. I’m not sure what exactly I expected, but full-time life in Gainesville, rather than fun home-visit holidays, has taught me a lot of valuable things. I still LOVE my old friends SO MUCH, but they aren’t the people I want to live my daily life with… You guys and I share a bond that is much different, and that fits more with who I am today. We click and we’re freaking AWESOME. :) I am completely myself with y’all without reservation, and I treasure that SO MUCH! Not that I hate my old friends or that things are bad with them or anything; I do just REALLY miss all of you and can’t wait for the day that we all live in the same NY apartment building (like on Friends). :) You are my family, and my people, and I just wanted you to know how wholeheartedly I mean that when I say it. I love you all dearly and goodnight!

Love-Piece

can those of us out of the loop please be put in the loop about the showcases… thank you… also it is 8 pm dark cold and nana and i are hearing the ice cream man out and about… not mr. softie but the other one… i think hes a kidnapper and uses his icecream truck to lure out the children…. the end

Heather

dont worry yes i am still alive. You may be asking what i did today. I learned a new lesson in lazyness… i caught a cold i think? i have worked two jobs 13 straight days in a row. Clayton and nana MADE me take my day off of work and not pick up a shift. so today i started watching a few episodes of charlie brown… that was very entertaining. and then i finished reading Nicholas Sparks “the Wedding” which is beautiful and if you are looking for a nice nicholas sparks book where nobody dies but is still touching and makes you believe in true love, then this one is for you. then i decided to have my laundry done… and i bought my dinner for the next 3 weeks… Rice. and then i watched meet the morgans, confessions of a shopaholic, nana and i watched new in town, and now we are currently watching pushing daisies. quote from andrew of the night… “heather ive never seen you do this before” me “what do nothing?” “yeah… its weird” yall im a work a holic and im still eating rice and penut butter and jelly for every meal. awesome. Oh and funny story… my parents and clayton ran into eachother at the greeley’s texas roadhouse. this makes me sad because i am not even there to chaperone these events… the end. oh and i would like to have more stalking material. if you could get on that that would be fantastic… thanks

Heather

Small scale panic attack as I am laying here in bed…having a little trouble breathing again but I’ll be ok. I really only started to panic when I figured out that I am selling my car and it probably won’t be mine anymore as of later this week…I don’t think this is what I am really panicked about, considering LA Showcase auditions tomorrow are more the reason…but I just can’t slow my mind down right now, so I figured I should blog it…eff…I just can’t sort through my head right now…ugh

T

Well, as most of you didn’t know this past weekend was a date that I’d been looking forward to for a while. Back in early August my band got this e-mail from a music festival in NY called CMJ (college music journal) that said they were interested in having us play. This is cool for the reason that it’s basically a show case for bands and labels and they hand you some money and say “go do what you love” if they like you. So we did a bunch of stuff and sent them some things and I crossed my fingers and didn’t tell anyone because I either, A: didn’t want to sound pretentious and stupid, or B: thought it would be cool for me to call everyone one day out in New York and say “come get a drink!” and then you’d say “But Aaron, you’re in Colorado!” and then I’d say “NO I’M NOT I’M IN NEW YORK!” Anyways, long story short, September 19th was the cut off date for us to receive some kind of confirmation that we’d be playing out there and it didn’t come. Sad day, but what you gonna do? I’m mostly just bummed about not being able to come out there and see you guys way sooner than March, but that’ll make it all the better :). So now, on my first night off of homework for the semester, I’ve decided to drink whiskey in my room and write you fine folks. So, I guess this isn’t so much as a “wah wah” as a “maybe next time champ!” Yeah. Regardless though, I’m just thankful for opportunities for all of us, sometimes I forget how cool of a thing it is that all of us are involved in something in someway that we care so much about. Does that make sense? Well it should, and if it doesn’t, get drunk first and then read it and then maybe you’ll say “Oh my god, that’s totally it!” anyways, I love and miss you all. I always type too much. 

love,

aaron

P.S FALL IS COMING.